Sunday, January 25, 2009

reflections on the church song "you are mine"

The song "you are mine" is a beautiful song that is a favorite of most catholic parishioners. The songs lyrics are by David Haas who blends many biblical and theological ideas into a beautiful composition. I will share the lyrics and then give some of my thoughts on this song and what they mean to me personally.

I will come to you in the silence;
I will lift you from all your fear.
You will hear y voice,
I claim you as my choice, be still and know I am here.

I am hope for all who are hopeless,
I am eyes for all who long to see me.
In the shadows of the night,
I will be your light. Come and rest in me.

Refrain
Do not be afraid, I am with you.
I have called you each by name.
Come and follow me, I will bring you home;
I love you and you are mine.

I am strength for all the despairing,
Healing for the ones who dwell in shame,
All the blind will see,
The lame will all run free, and all will know my name.

I am the word that leads all to freedom,
I am the peace the world cannot give.
I will call your name.
Embracing all your pain, stand up, now walk, and live!


This song is the first song sung at the first mass I attended during my illness and rehabilitation. I was actually still in the hospital, but Mary was able to sign me out for a couple of hours and bring me to mass. I remember that it was my first outing from the hospital in 2 and a half months. In fact I wanted her to hide me at home and not bring me back to the hospital, at first. More on that later. I was elated to be going somewhere else besides the physical therapy room at the hospital. The first place we went was to the Saturday Vigil mass at our home parish in Denton Texas. Immaculate Conception was our parish. So many of those parishioners had lifted me up in prayer and helped to support us during this time that I felt the need to be among them in some way. I also felt the need to see our parish priest do his thing on the altar.Mo signor King had been at my hospital almost daily and was a true support for Mary during this time, I wanted to see him and smile at him to show him my appreciation for what he had done for her.
The mass was awesome, truly bringing to life the sufferings and joys that go along with being a disciple of Jesus Christ. I felt more in tune at that mass than I had for the previous 3 or 4 years.
During that mass at communion the choir sand "you are mine". Now you gotta imagine me, sitting in a wheelchair with no voice to speak of. I was in a terrible state and couldn't figure out why I was ever sick and everything in the world was telling me that my life was never gonna be as good as it was before I got sick. And in the end, the world was right! Life has not been the same since my illness, it has been better! And it was this song that sort of brought me to the realization that it would. As I sat their in my wheelchair next to the front row I truly listened to the lyrics of the song; certain lines of the song hit my like body blows and snapped me into a better frame of mind. Lines such as "I will lift you from all your fear", " I am hoe for all who are hopeless", "do not be afraid I am with you", "I will bring you home", and the entire last 2 stanzas of the song all spoke to me in a really personal way. The meaning of this song was summed up for me in the last line of the song, God Embraces all my pain, and he wants me to stand up, walk, and live. All of these commissioning by Jesus were like commands for me to never give up in my efforts for rehabilitation. What an awesome message. I had just received Jesus in the Eucharist and now he was speaking to me in the most personal way that I can recall before or since my illness.
As I said earlier in this post I wanted Mary to hide me out at home and not bring me back to the hospital. After my experience at mass I thought differently about this. I still wanted to go home for a visit. I wanted to see the familiar sights of my house and the kids rooms and our refrigerator magnets! this visit was important for me, during this visit I realized that I didn't want to live in a wheelchair forever. I realized that I wanted to walk from room to room at our house. I wanted Mary to check me back into the hospital, so that I could get better and do what Jesus had just commanded me to do through the singing of the choir at mass. I went back to the hospital and was an ideal patient from that point on. I tried to do everything in my power to get better. I eventually did. It was like the healing of the paralytic in Luke's gospel where he commanded me to rise take my mat and walk. But I looked at everyday with that zeal and ambition. I was visited by St. Pio during my coma, however it was this moment that I started to take seriously the work that I had to do to walk again on my own. Well, not on my own, for I know that Jesus is walking every step with me even today, and I look forward to walking with Jesus for the rest of my life.

3 comments:

Kim said...

Steve, my eyes are not dry. I feel so proud and to priveliged to know you. Thank you for sharing your story here and on the everydaycatholic podcast. It is wonderful to know that even though we're in different "denominations" that Christ moves and speaks to us in similar ways and calls us to the same kind of life. God is simply wonderful and amazing! And I can see him working in you even just reading your blog and keeping up with you on fb and such. Pretty cool!

I also wanted to mention that St. Josephs Abbey is just down the road from Leon's parent's home, his childhood home. They go to church there, and Bro. Anselm Hollingsworth is a close family friend. We go visit the peacocks and teh beautiful ground there with the kids when we're in Covington visiting. I'm glad you got to have a day of rest and renewal there!

One more thing: Leon's close friend from high school is Matthew Baute. He writes and records praise and prayer music (Catholic oriented) that is beautiful. Maybe you and Mary would enjoy it. You can find out about him and his latest CD River of Grace at www.songsforprayer.com.

Sorry for the long post... thanks again for sharing your story. Mary and the girls are blessed by you!

Steven Wallace said...

Kim, thanks for your note. It is funny but the more catholic I get, the more unified in Christ I feel with other denominations. I choose to celebrate the many ways we are all alike than to bemoan the relative few ways that we differ.

As for that sharing n both this blog and the podcast. I am just now able to begin to articulate how profound those experiences were and still are.

Thanks for the compliment, I like to think that I am blessed and strengthened to have Mary and the girls in my life.

I'll check out the music site for matthew baute! thanks

ella said...

good evening po :) napadaan lang ;) don't worry , God will carry the rest of the loads . :) He loves us most .. that song makes me cry most of the time ..